1. Nocturnal Sunuva Gun: The Sunuva Gun has slashed through the competition, winning week after week. He has claimed victory in three key matchup of the week's in a row, which has now catapulted him to the top spot. His top player of the week was Andre Drummond who played out of his mind with 16.8 points, 14.2 rebs, 6.5 assists (really almost 7 assists?) 2.8 steals, 1.5 blks on 63% fg and 79.2 %ft - good for 4th best player of the week. What the fuck has gotten into Drummond? dishing dimes and making his free throws. Nocturnal must be on cloud-9 with this type of production. No matchup of the week alert this time as he faces 12th place KarlAnthonyPoundTown and if I had to guess he'll probably win this one too.
2. Consider the Knicks: Down goes Fraizer! The last undefeated team goes down to the giant slayer Nocturnal. CTK missed production from his top two players getting hurt this week with Porzingis and Davis going down. (These are my excuses and I'm sticking to it) CTK will get a rematch with Nocturnal in week 18, but who knows what the rosters will look like then. CTK's best player of the week was the rookie phenom Donovan Mitchell. The stud from Louisville put up 27 points, 4.3 treys, 2.3 rebounds, 4 ast, 1 steal, 50.9% fg and 87.5% ft - good for 20th best player of the week. CTK will need the rookie to stay in beast mode while his stars are sidelined. CTK faces 8th place The Brodie.
3. Queef Latina: Woah, Queef Latina outta nowhere shooting up to 3rd place after a big 7-2 victory. QL was in 7th place the last few weeks, but this proves a big win week can really shoot you up the standings. Jimmy Butler is finally starting to play like the old Jimmy Butler which is music to QL's ears. Even with Jimmy's increased play, Bledsoe was his best player of the week putting up 21.7 points, 2 treys, 3.3 rebs, 3.7 ast, 2.3 steals, with 58.3% fg and 89.5% ft - good for 9th best player of the week. Things are starting to look up for Queef and he gets a favorable matchup against 10th place Young Kangz.
4. SmellsLikeABudussy: Finally back on the winning side of things with a 5-4 win after a few weeks of defeats. It probably had something to do with two of his players being the top-2 for the week. 🏅 James Harden was his best player of the week with 34 points, 5.3 treys, 7.3 rebs, 9 ast, 1.7 steals, .7 blks with 53% fg and 90 ft - good for best player of the week 🏅 . 🏅 It's also worth noting Victor Oladipo was the second best player of the week 🏅. If these guys keep producing at unconscious levels this Budussy could be smelling like roses. He faces 9th place bogdanovic's bitches.
5. RimmyTinTin: Rimmy suffered a late week loss (4-5) after being up for most of the week. He drops two places from 3rd to 5th. Aaron "Air" Gordon put up 23.8 points, 4 treys, 8 rebs, 2.8 ast, 2 steals, 1.8 blks on 49.3% fg and 76.5% ft- good for 6th best player of the week. It's nice to see Aaron Gordon producing again after his hot start. After winning his first 4 in a row, Rimz has dropped the last 2 out of 3 match ups. He faces another struggling team that was hot to start 7th place Chobani. I'm calling this my 🔥 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK. 🔥 because both teams used to be near the top and are now facing some adversity for the first time this season.
6. EasyWayOrTheHardaway: Different name - same position in the standings. Even after the 6-3 win EWOTH keeps his standing in the middle of the pack. After rattling off 5 strait winning weeks, tough times may be ahead with some major injuries on his squad. Hopefully Dollar Dame is up to the task of carrying the team on his back. Lillard put up 26.3 points, 2.3 treys, 4.3 rebs, 6.7 ast, .7 steals, on 45.9% fg and 94.1% fg - good for 28th best player of the week. He faces 11th place WhiteSidesMatter who is without big boy Whiteside so maybe EWOTH has a chance to salvage some categories.
7. Chobani: After winning the first 4 out of 5 weeks, Chobani has stumbled a bit with two strait losing weeks. It's still early in the year and there's plenty of time...maybe a trade could help get things cooking again. One guy he can always count on is Antetokounmpo who put up 28.3 points, 9 rebs, 4.7 ast, 3.7 steals, 1.7 blks on 51% fg and 74.4% ft - good for 8th best player of the week. Chobani faces 5th place RimmyTinTin this week and it's my 🔥 MATCHUP OF THE WEEK. 🔥 because both teams used to be near the top and are now facing some adversity for the first time this season.
8. The Brodie: TB moves up two spots to 8th place after a 5-3 victory (his second win in 3 weeks). He probably isn't tired of having LeBron written about and once again the King was his best player of the week. James put up 27.2 points, 1.8 treys, 8.2 rebs, 9 ast, 1.8 ast, 1 block, on 60.6% fg and 80% ft - good for 5th best player of the week. LeBron is absolutely killing it this year. I'm kinda sad I missed out on drafting him. The Brodie has a tough task this week facing 2nd place Consider the Knicks, but he does have the benefit of facing CTK with Porzingis and Anthony Davis battling injuries (both did not play tonight).
8. The Brodie: TB moves up two spots to 8th place after a 5-3 victory (his second win in 3 weeks). He probably isn't tired of having LeBron written about and once again the King was his best player of the week. James put up 27.2 points, 1.8 treys, 8.2 rebs, 9 ast, 1.8 ast, 1 block, on 60.6% fg and 80% ft - good for 5th best player of the week. LeBron is absolutely killing it this year. I'm kinda sad I missed out on drafting him. The Brodie has a tough task this week facing 2nd place Consider the Knicks, but he does have the benefit of facing CTK with Porzingis and Anthony Davis battling injuries (both did not play tonight).
9. Young Kangz: Ouch, that's now 5 in a row for YK in the losing department. It's tough to win when you have 4 injuries on your team, especially if one of those guys is Kawhi Leonard. The name of the game is patience for YK at this point. Al Horford put up 15.3 points, 1.7 treys, 6 rebs, 6.3 ast, 1.7 blocks, with 66.7% fg and a lame 50% ft - good for 13th best player of the week. He faces a tough 3rd place Queef Latina this week. Young Kangz just has to use his mindfulness and hope Kawhi comes back soon. Don't give up big dawg.
10. Bogdanovic's Bitches: It's been a tough season so far for Bog's Bitches. After the week 7 loss, he's dropped 5 out of the last 7. There's a lot of talent on his squad and no injuries so it's kind of a head scratcher on his team's struggles. His team really had some difficulty this week with all of them finishing outside of the top 60. Pau Gasol was his best player with 10.5 points, .8 treys, 5.8 rebounds, 1.8 ast, 1 stl, 1 blk on 46.9% fg and 75% fg - good for 65th best player of the week. You may be asking yourself how could guys like Westbrook or McCollum be performing worse than Pau Gasol. Although Westbrook almost averaged a triple double for the week his 9 blocks, 39.4% fg, 59.1% ft and 7 turnovers really tanked his value this week. If Bog's Bitches is punting fg% and turnovers then of course Westbrook would shoot up the standings, but from an overall 9-cat viewpoint he just didn't get it done this week. Hopefully his guys can turn it around as he faces 4th place RussianPipeLine.
10. Bogdanovic's Bitches: It's been a tough season so far for Bog's Bitches. After the week 7 loss, he's dropped 5 out of the last 7. There's a lot of talent on his squad and no injuries so it's kind of a head scratcher on his team's struggles. His team really had some difficulty this week with all of them finishing outside of the top 60. Pau Gasol was his best player with 10.5 points, .8 treys, 5.8 rebounds, 1.8 ast, 1 stl, 1 blk on 46.9% fg and 75% fg - good for 65th best player of the week. You may be asking yourself how could guys like Westbrook or McCollum be performing worse than Pau Gasol. Although Westbrook almost averaged a triple double for the week his 9 blocks, 39.4% fg, 59.1% ft and 7 turnovers really tanked his value this week. If Bog's Bitches is punting fg% and turnovers then of course Westbrook would shoot up the standings, but from an overall 9-cat viewpoint he just didn't get it done this week. Hopefully his guys can turn it around as he faces 4th place RussianPipeLine.
11. White Sides Matter: WhiteSidesMatter won the battle of the bottom tier as they smacked down the 12th place 5-4. It's unfortunate news about Hassan Whiteside going down with more knee troubles and he stated he wants to get his knee 100% right before he plays again. At least his new addition 🏅 LaMarcus Aldridge balled out with 32 points, 2 treys, 7.3 rebs, 2 ast, .7 steals, 1.3 blocks with 61.7% fg and 94.1% ft - good for 3rd best player of the week 🏅 LaMarcus has been fun to own with Kawhi Leonard out and I think he'll keep his confidence even when Leonard returns. White Sides Matter could keep the winning streak going as he faces a beat up and injured 6th place EasyWayOrTheHardaway.
12. KarlAnthonyPoundTown: KAPT's winning streak comes to an end after a close 4-5 loss. He must like his quiet dark cellar. Someone on his team who wants out of the cellar is Kevin Love. Love put up 24 pints, 3.2 treys, 9.8 rebs, 2 ast, .8 steals, with 50% fg and 87.1% ft - good for 22nd best player of the week. It's going to be another brutal week as he faces red hot 1st place Nocturnal Sunuva Gun. Good luck big dawg.
Patrick's Power Rankings and Colonic Clairvoyance
Rationale for power rankings: "every players average value for Season, 30-day, 14-day, and 7-day, and added them all up. For each player designated injured (not out) i added an extra 168 to the sum because that is the total number of taken players (basically putting that player at the bottom of the barrel). I then multiplied that sum by either 1 (season), 3 (30-day), 4 (14-day), or 5 (7-day) to get a total value for that time span. then added up all the values for each team. The higher the number, the lower they are in the power rankings (i did that cuz a better player has a number closer to 1 for how good they are). and i use win/lose streaks as basically as a tie breaker"
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